“It wasn’t in my brain that that happened to 30-year-old woman living in Manhattan,” she recalled to People about the shock of the harrowing situation in an interview published Tuesday.
In addition to becoming asexual following the assault, the “Real Housewives of New York City” star, 37, told People she felt “numb” and like she couldn’t wash the disgust away.
“You just go home, and you just shower, and you just want to pretend like it didn’t happen,” she tearfully explained.
“I think my water bill probably that month was like $10,000 … and just there’s not enough soap in the world [to get clean]… You try not to put chlorine in your luxurious bathtub.”
Whitfield said she became a “shell” of herself after not telling anyone about the assault for months and isolating herself from her loved ones.
“I was hyper-efficient at work, but I didn’t smile, I didn’t laugh, I didn’t bat an eyelash. I didn’t do anything. I blamed myself,” she remembered.
“I was like, ‘How am I 34-years-old and dealing with this now?’ If you told me I had a chronic illness or something, I would’ve believed that. I just didn’t believe that it happened and it was hard.”
She began her healing process by slowly informing those closest to her about what she went through and seeking therapy.
Whitfield said that although the entire experience was painful, she feels it has opened her up in a way she never had been before.
